My disabilities and off and on month long illness caught up with me to the point that the health center and ODR sent me home to recuperate and be closer to my doctors, so I have not had a very productive week unfortunately. However, I was able to at the very least get my propaganda assignment done and I feel quite good about it. I’m really hoping that being home and on spring break will help me finally recover and get better so that I can finally start getting back in the swing of things.
Author Archives: AzraelCelena
Goth is Political: Propaganda Creation
Growing up in a very political family and working in a very political counterculture scene, propaganda is something I am very familiar with. However, I’ve never made it before. I decided to use my own roots that overlap with my character’s to use this opportunity to spread a message that seems to have been lost over the years that has been making waves in recent times especially with the current administration. Goth is political. It always has been, and it always will be. It stemmed from the punk culture of the 70s and 80s, the music has always been steeped in allegory, and it’s more important now than ever to understand that and use those beliefs to fight for the same rights and freedoms that we’ve been fighting for the whole time; it’s life or death.
I hopped onto Canva, grabbed some commonly associated political symbols with the goth scene, and got to designing. It’s a fairly simple design as I am still very sick, but I overlapped and overlayed some various paper textures to give it that old school punk propaganda feel, I chose a font reminiscent of counterculture zines, and made sure to outline it to contrast the font color with the background color. I purposely chose to make the outline of the word “political” blue because punk/goth ideals lean very left and blue is the color most commonly associated with that.
While simple, I feel like propaganda should be simple. Colors, fonts, and symbols to catch the eye, but it should be able to be digested in a quick glance without a need to think much about it. The message should be blunt and clear. And this is one that will always be important.
Week 6 Summary
This is unfortunately a bit late as my illness caught up with me on Friday. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, I completely missed week 5 because of my health and I was only able to get two video assignments and my goals revisited complete. For the two video assignments I was able to get done, l chose to do a lyric snippet to showcase another song my course character would connect with and a video of who I am to further showcase my identity as it is something I hold dear to myself.
Physical disability and illness have certainly been making it very difficult to do most things lately, but hopefully I’ll be back to my normal self to be able to keep up with everything.
Goals Revisited
I revisited my goals this week and I have conflicting thoughts. On one hand, I’m meeting the goals I set for myself of learning new forms of media and figuring out ways to utilize them outside of this class, but on the other, I have been truly unable to keep up with the rigors especially as of late due to health crisis after health crisis with my disabilities. I had two massive flare ups, a cold, and a horrible infection in the last three weeks alone and it has been physically incredibly challenging some days to even sit up to use my laptop without my heart rate spiking. While I haven’t been able to complete as much that is expected, I’ve been very happy with what I have created and I feel that I am much more digitally adept because of them. I’ve gotten to use my analytical skills to look into some of my favorite media like the colors in The Corpse Bride and the plot of Dear Evan Hansen, I’ve gotten to shine a light on who I am through playlists of music and videos, and I’ve learned a lot about an aesthetic that I’ve normally avoided due to it being very sensory overwhelming (I still find it overwhelming, I just know more information about it now). I’m hoping my health struggles ease up in the near future, so I can begin to effectively complete the assignments for this class and continue to work towards those goals.
I Am Me…
My identity is something I hold very dearly and work every day to express. As someone who is far and away from any sense of normalcy, it took me so long to embrace those differences rather than be ashamed of them. This video assignment allowed me to briefly showcase some of the most crucial traits of myself that I find most inherent to what makes me who I am.
I used CapCut and TikTok to create this video as it was the easiest way to access and play around with my camera roll as well as adding audio. It was very difficult choosing which photos to use as I have so many full of amazing memories that made me the person I am today, but I was able to narrow it down to some of my favorites. The song in the background is Swamp Thing by The Chameleons, a band that I am not only friends with, but a band that has helped me through the darkest times of my life. This song in particular is one I listen to on loop when I’m feeling down, defeated, or alone and it is what helped me survive my first semester back in the fall of 2023; it feels like the song that I am most connected to.
Making this was a very emotional, cathartic experience. I’ve been incredibly sick these last two weeks due to complications with my disability being impacted by the wild fluctuations with the weather as well as it being illness season, so I haven’t really felt like myself lately. However, going through all my photos, putting this all together, adding the music, it reminded me who I am which is something I really needed.
Lyric Snippet
I was looking back on one of my assignments from week 3 where I made an aesthetic song lyric image to represent my character, Lenore, and it had me thinking what other songs would represent her. With her working in a music-based scene, it didn’t feel right to only have one song that she connected with, so I decided to find another and create a lyric video snippet to showcase it.
I ended up choosing Demons by Empathy Test as the lyrics not only represent her troubled past and struggles with herself and her dreams, but the chorus provides a glimpse into the haven she’s made for herself and thrives in now. To get the right audio snippet, I scree-recorded my Spotify and converted it to an audio track that I then put into WeVideo as I have the most experience editing there. I chose a light background to compliment the soft sounds of the synths and vocals, and a dark font color coupled with a classy font for the verse lyrics to represent living in darkness on the inside, but never letting it affect her outward appearance. For the chorus, I added various fonts and colors as well as graphics to showcase a new vibrancy and variety that Lenore finds in her life.
The process of this was a lot more time consuming than I fully anticipated. Syncing up the text with the lyrics, getting everything stylistically correct, adding transitions to bring life to the lyrics, just creating a minute and a half of video took me about 2-2.5 hours. It’s a good thing I love this song and normally listen to songs on loop anyways because otherwise I would’ve gotten really sick of this song really fast.
Week 4 Summary
This week was rough. I had a total of 21 assignments across my classes this week and between those, my time in synchronous classes, doctors appointments, and my job, it just was not possible for me to get everything done. This week I was able to do my two audio assignments, listen to the radio show, and watch the videos linked in the weekly page.
I had a lot of fun with my two audio assignments though; both of which allowed me to analyze music in my life. First, I did the Reverse It assignment to rearrange the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack to create a new ending that I think it needed. Then I compared Britney Spears’s version of “…Baby One More Time” with a darkwave cover of it by Dead on a Sunday to talk about how instrumentation and vocal tone can change the whole emotion and meaning of a song even when it uses the same lyrics. I also tuned into Wednesday night’s edition of DS106 radio for the last two episodes of “Limetown” and wrote my reflection on how impactful little auditory clues can be throughout a story
I’m having a great time with the content of the class, but the sheer volume of the workload is not meshing well with the rest of my classes and schedule. I will literally be working on work for all of my classes for 5+ hours a day including weekends and I’ve got a 15 credit course load. My other classes have honors, writing intensive, and speaking intensive designations and are almost all 300+ level classes and none of them are nearly as heavy on the workload, but the combination of each of them with this class has been incredibly challenging.
It’s Britney, B1tch! …Or is it?
Comparing “…Baby One More Time” Across Genres
This assignment had me so excited! My friend Ross has a band, Dead on a Sunday, where he often creates gothic/darkwave/industrial covers of popular songs outside of those genres, so I had so many options for this! It was so difficult figuring out which of his covers to pick because I love all of them. However, I wanted to go for what my mind perceived as the biggest dichotomy between genres, which led me to selecting Dead on a Sunday’s cover of Britney Spears’s iconic song, “…Baby One More Time”.
The original version of “…Baby One More Time” was released in 1999 and is one of the most iconic Y2K era pop songs. Musically, the use of wah-wah guitar and EKG machine bass slaps contribute to that classic Y2K sound and Britney’s vocal style gives it a seductive, upbeat pop style. The lyrics are describing the wanted return of a former lover and that combined with the musical styles described above give the song a desirous and covetous tone.
When looking at the Dead on a Sunday version, it is much more synth heavy and turns this pop song into a darkwave song similar to that of Depeche Mode, The Cure (Disintegration era), and Twin Tribes. The bassline is much more prominent and it’s complimented by higher pitched wistful synth. Vocally, rather than being seductive and desirous, Ross’s tone of voice create a new sense of desperation and almost hopelessness. For example, if one lyric from the song were to be selected to sum up Britney’s vibe, I would select, “Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn’t right here. Oh baby, baby, I shouldn’t have let you go, and now you’re out of sight”, but for the Dead on a Sunday version, I would select, “My loneliness is killing me, I must confess I still believe. When I’m not with you, I lose my mind. Give me a sign”.
Personally, I prefer the Dead on a Sunday version. Part of it is general musical bias as I am more drawn to the sounds of goth/darkwave music (I mean, I was raised in the scene and work in it myself, so it’s personal), but I also feel like that desperate yearning emotion that accompanies Ross’s iteration of the song is much more fitting with the meaning behind the lyrics. I felt like I was able to connect with the song so much more with his version.
DS106 Radio Reflection
For the live listening session this week, I participated in the Wednesday session which consisted of the last two episodes of “Limetown”. It took me a couple minutes to acclimate to the plot and what was going on since I hadn’t heard the prior episodes, but once I was able to distinguish the voices, I felt like I could easily decipher what was going on. The biggest thing, of course, was analysing the auditory cues. I found it so fascinating to really make myself think about how just a simple instrumental backing track can change a whole mood and make the listener feel with the characters. I also loved the use of auditory cues to relay setting, like when Lia and Diedre were outside, you could here the ambient outdoor sounds. When they moved to the car, the ambient noise was absent, their voices were clearer, and audio editing made it slightly resonant to cue that they were in a small space where sound was bouncing off all around them. I had to tune out for the last 10 minutes as I had to go to my acapella rehearsals, but I felt like in the 50 minutes that I was listening, I got a lot out of it in terms of the impact and use of music, sound effects, and general sound mixing.
What if “Dear Evan Hansen” Didn’t Go to Plan?
I love a good musical and in terms of the soundtrack, I think Dear Evan Hansen is super catchy and musically well done. That being said, the plot has always kind of irked me.
To simply summarize the plot for those who don’t know: Pretentious awkward boy doesn’t have friends, but has a crush on the brooding stoner kid’s artsy sister. When brooding stoner kid k1lls himself, pretentious awkward boy sees an opportunity to get close to the artsy sister by fabricating a friendship with brooding stoner to make himself look good for being his “only friend”. The notion of pretentious awkward boy being such a good guy for being “friends” with brooding stoner kid and “keeping his memory alive” by starting a big campaign around it to stay close with the artsy sister spreads and becomes a really big deal. The facade doesn’t last though. Everyone finds out and is rightfully super pissed. Pretentious awkward boy sings a sob story guilt trip song that’s basically “I’m such a good guy, I didn’t mean it to be bad! I’m just a lil awkward and I don’t know how to behave”, and everyone else is just like “well he didn’t mean it so it’s actually fine” and it ends on that happy note.
That’s what bothers me. This guy really fabricated months of emails and a whole friendship with a dead kid for sympathy points and because he wants the artsy sister and then when people got upset at this, he throws a temper tantrum and tries to excuse his behavior because he “had good intentions” and he’s just weird (Sound familiar? …Elon…) and everyone just goes with it. It reminds me of all the people that excuse abusers because “he’s such a nice guy, he would never do something like that”. So what if Evan Hansen’s scheme didn’t work out? What if everyone else stood their ground on why they were so upset? I decided to use the Reverse It assignment to rearrange the soundtrack to change the order of events in the musical and change the ending which, in turn, changes how the songs could be interpreted which I will discuss below.
A Breakdown of the New Song Order
“Anybody Have a Map”: This song has to remain at the start because it’s the only song with Connor (Brooding Stoner) still alive, so it would make no sense to randomly revive a dead kid with no context or reason
“Sincerely, Me”: I moved this song up to be the second song to make the friendship fabrication start ASAP after Connor dies. I also felt like the email fabrication coming before the storytelling to Connor’s family made it seem a bit more schemed and twisted.
“For Forever”: The plan is in place, the fabricated emails are set, now Evan is all prepped and ready to move in on Connor’s family and get the sympathy and hero points from all of them, especially Zoey, (artsy sister).
“If I Could Tell Her”– Evan is literally making up things Connor has said about Zoey to further his story, except this is basically like a weird stalker song because all the things that “Connor” has said about Zoey “to Evan” is actually just all the tiny details that Evan has noticed because he’s hyper-obsessed with her and has been wanting to say to her. He can’t even admit that those are his feelings about her and instead brings her false hope that her she and her late brother actually had a different kind of relationship.
“To Break in a Glove”– Next on the manipulation list is Connor’s father who is mourning the fact that he never had that traditional father-son bond, but Evan continues his game and steps in to act as the son and give Connor’s father the chance to have that relationship. Connor’s father is overjoyed about this, but little does he know, none of this is real.
“Disappear”– Evan is so deep into his own plot that he’s almost believing it himself and has a “conversation” with Connor that inspires him to start “The Connor Project” in his supposed memory which is really just to give him more hero points with everyone because his story has spread throughout the community. He’s basking in this newfound love and attention and it only makes the story spiral deeper taking everyone he’s twisted and manipulated with him.
“You Will Be Found”– Evan’s story has reached the masses and this is his big inspirational message to everyone for more sympathy and hero points, but again, all of this is still one big lie. A complete fabrication of the life of a dead kid. His real story, his real struggles were all completely erased and no one knows it. They think this is his story. Everyone is made the fool by Evan while he stands on the pedestal.
“So Big/So Small”– Evan’s mom reminisces on past struggles and she connects with him. The original meaning of this song was to show unconditional love that she has towards Evan after she finds out everything is fake, but in this rearrangement, it’s her feeling for Connor’s mom who has lost her son and connecting with Evan to show him that she is proud of him and will always love him and protect him. She doesn’t want to lose him like Connor’s mom lost Connor.
“Waving Through a Window”– Originally, this song served as an introduction to Evan being the awkward outcast who didn’t really have friends and no one noticed him, but for the purposes of this version, I feel like this song acts as a bit of breakdown for Evan. Worrying his story will fall through, doing everything he can to not garner suspicion. He has to keep the facade alive, but subconsciously, he knows he’s a fraud. He knows he doesn’t deserve any of this. I see this song as his external presentation battling his subconscious where the verses are his external and the chorus is his internal.
“Only Us”– Zoey comforts Evan as she can see he’s doubting himself, but she still doesn’t know the truth, so she thinks he’s doubting that she likes him. She still believes that his story is the real him and reassures him that she wants *him* and they can be there to help each other.
“Good For You”– Uh oh, the secret is out. His best friend Jared helped with the initial fabrication, but never expected nor wanted this to blow up into a big deal and feels like Evan has left him in the wreckage, his mom is heartbroken and upset as Evan has treated Connor’s family as his own and neglected her in the process, and his friend Alana who worked on the Connor Project feels betrayed and strung along.
“Requiem”– This song was initially Connor’s family singing about him, but I think this can easily be twisted to make it the family’s reactions to learning that Evan blinded them to the truth and that everything has been a lie. Zoey mourns the relationship and feels that Evan is a monster who completely toyed with her heart and her vulnerability from her brother’s death. Connor’s dad feels betrayed as he tried to give Evan the life and relationship that Connor didn’t get to have only for none of it to be right. Connor’s mom is in denial. She is in such shock and grief that she is hoping that the truth is actually the lie and that Evan’s story is what’s real when it isn’t.
“Words Fail”– Evan is facing the consequences of his own actions, but is almost giving a non-apology. It’s a sob story of “I didn’t mean it, I thought I was doing you all a solid, I didn’t know that I was out of line because poor me doesn’t have any friends, so actually you shouldn’t be mad at me, you should feel sorry for me”.
If you want to listen to this version of Dear Evan Hansen, here is the playlist!
I used Spotify to pull up the soundtrack and from the soundtrack, I put all the songs in a playlist in the order of my new version, so I could play around with different possibilities. As shown in many of my past blog posts, I love to analyse the tiniest little details and I love to find varying ways to interpret things; it’s a big reason why I’m a psych major. I’ve known this musical since it came out, so I was already really familiar with the songs and the plot, but this gave me the perfect chance to essentially personify my thoughts on Evan’s character. I have never pitied him, I’ve never been able to justify him and I hate that the other characters could and did do that.